Bluefields 03/24/94Dat time we’d a look on the sky and see one OVNI floating ova the bay, Pura Vida look on me an say “woah fock, check on the martian dem.” Is the same wind and heaven color what was that day, gray and the wind vex up, plenty wave what dissolve on the land. I de like for come here and sit near the dock for feel the wind, it fresh you know. The wind put licu salt on you for glow and fill you lungs nice. The people walking round the market, plenty checking on the tangerine because them in season now, from Kukra dem bring ‘em on the dories them.
Part of the evening sitting right here on the bicha metal ting for tie the boats, all the crew from the ships them know me and buy plenty patty. Two time a year I go out on the sea, sometime I carry line for fish. When you in the bush is good for know how you must do for find thing for eat. You walk plenty you know, and walking plenty make you hungry buay, like you want eat whole wari or turtle.
How the time pass I must go be in me house have supper and matizar with the vagos them in me barrio. How we molest the rock smoker is we throw banna tree trunk in them lane and hit them on the ground where them sit nobody say nothing because them focka bad and tief from everyone. You leave you pants outside and them gone. On Saturday we play marble and top when them is in style I like for play with the plastic one because them split and fly in the air when you cecop them good.
Tonight we going practice for the carnival I like for play one oil for cook gallon I de make two good stick and it sound tough man. I no play on Maypole Carnival Day because that is one special day when plenty people out, on the streets them. And dem buy more patty, my granny prepare from before for make enough patty and I have to go out tree times.
One buay, Lackwell him sell patty too but he also carry ganja for sell. I de see two Spanish buay Larry and Willy yell “patty-patty” like them really want the ting plenty, them try for Babylon catch them and carry them jail. Lackwell cool, he no molest nobody. My uncle Ricky smoke him herb and him never vex he like for run jokes and be with him friends by the porch listening to Buju Banton and Lucky Dube CD.
My papa ship out, him going save for buy one taxi and drive here in Bluefields him used to have one but him sell it when my mamá catch him with next woman and she have suspicion when him always broke and out plenty more in the night. But she no bitch him up, she keep quiet and go to one woman what put “something” or voo doo on him with one picture with him she have.
When that happen he start for feel pain in him head like migraña and him rush for give me mamá what him have and that was the onliest thing what give him relief.
Him do it plenty time and she tell him for sell his car, go ship out and buy newer one, send more money for we; and now him on the ship. Sometime he send picture of him in bicha city and on the ship with him uniform. He say he going try for get promotion for work in bar them have trainer what come on the ship for teach new bartender he say in bar you make plenty propina or “tip” them say on the ship.
In the morning I wake up 6 o’clock and get ready for school my Granny up from 4 making coconut bread, bon and patty she bake in one bicha furnest we have outside. Her table with flour, achiote, pots, one bicha plastic pan, zinc coconut grinder, milk and watá. I pass by she kitchen ready in me blue and white uniform and give she one good-morning kiss. I grab me back-pack with me tings and walk to Dinamarca School by Beholden. I save me bus money for have one pindá ice on we break.
Plenty rude licu buays study in me school like mash-up the tings and throw chalk far start chalk war in the class, the teacher turn and bam! One focka hit the next with one chalk. Or we play Matemática, how it is, is that you say one number and everyone tomp you up until you say ¡Matemática! and them have to stop. When you de getting fock-up is hard for say “Matemática” is funny for watch one buay what say “Ma-ma-ma Matemática” when him getting one bitch-lick!
The school have six dark blue building with office, class room and them use the auditorio for Maranatha Church service on the weekend. Brother Ray do the service, plenty people say him is politician and only want money. But them say “at least is one of us” who thiefing the money and not more Spaniard or foreigner who leaving with all the riches them.
Right now I de study in the fourth grade the year after next I going come out and have a promotion before I start secondary in the Horatio Hodgson High-School with almost all of the friends I have now. My Granny say when I begin for study in the secondary I going go to the Coca Colada by the Soda Palace right now them no let me in, them have one Cinema there and them present movie like Robocop.
—Darby, you come late again y de tell you no reach when is dark already them vagos going thief you and all of we work going be for them. You know them drogos no respect noting and live off next person work. Them no got no conscience them is of the devil with them bloody eyes.
—Ah, Granny! I walk from yonder, far down. No vex up, the night just catch me right now.
—Remember for haul wata for tomorrow morning and do you homework I no want hear no teacher tell me you no carry you homework to you class. I swear Darby I de fock you up if you leave the year. Look all the sacrifice we make for you go to school no fock it up, that is all I going tell you. You hear?
Ahhh, finally reach home for rest. My papá put in one new section with him friends them come one Sunday and them start early cutting the board them with uncle Johnny electric saw. Him is fatman like wear gold chain, ring and him have the new Penny Hardaway Nike, he bring it when him gone on the ship. Uncle Johnny like have him things you know.
After I do me school work I going watch X-Men with my brother Kennard on Repretel 11 one Costa Rica channel we get here in Bluefields. Buay them tough I de watch that and Dragon Ball Z when I reach from school. Tomorrow Goku going fight one batty man what fight good. The thing leave off with the man what act like licu woman giving Goku one fock-lick.
—Ese tema Con los Años que me Quedan por Vivir a cargo de Gloria Estefan de su álbum Mi Tierra es el que suena en Radio Zinica la Buena y recuerden mañana a las seis de la mañana en su programa Autonomía en Marcha tendremos de invitado especial a la consejal Atila Woo que viene a contarnos un poco sobre la visita de la Presidenta de la República Doña Violeta Chamorro, a inaugurar una escuela pública en el barrio Pancasán.
—En Kukra Hill dicen que esta vieja humilló a la población regalándoles a los niños cajas de lustrar qué barbaridad como si no conociera las mismas leyes sobre el trabajo infantil ¿ah Martín? ¿Qué piensas de eso?”
—Bueno Arturo, no te acordás vos el año pasado que fue al rama y en un discurso les dijo Rameras a las mujeres heroicas del puerto del Rama”
—Ja-ja-ja-ja-ja sí es cierto, es que esta vieja cacreca es lo único que tienen de liderazgo estos recalcitrantes somocistas de la derecha que nos quieren esclavizar con deudas externas, miserias y políticas del banco mundial…
—Darby!!! You done wash you hands for come eat. I cook rice and beans with plenty coconut and green banana chip. And turn off them focking foolishness or put music.
—Deme el número que quiere llamar con código de país por favor, aquí se le sube el volúmen a los audífonos…”
Buay this chontaleña look good nice light skin and bicha bobby and pretty face. She look like she like black-man. Oooh! I want grab she and kiss her one time! Take off her shirt and grind she right here on the computer. I would suck she bunky-hole too; she look plenty clean and sweet. I like for see my black cock going into pink Spanish pussy it swell up and look pink, delicate you know. And the gal them say ting like “¡Papito! ¡Papito! Or some of them call you “¡¡Ay negrote!!”
—Hello how everything in Bluefields is?
—Well Harold Bacon win the election here but the Sandinistas them thief them all over Nicaragua. Them no fock with we because nobody here like them.
—Them cause plenty damage in Bluefields, our people still remember.
—I gone by Wade Hawkins for see about my application.
—What him say?
—just for wait on when him call me. I no got no patience I de going keep calling he going get me shit quick.
—Yeh, pressure that focka.
—I get the picture you sent, you getting bigger bicha belly; the beer nice in the ship when them put basuquero like you for sell in the bar.
—Aint’ you know, ha ha ha… You fucking crazy, respect licky buay. I is still you papá and going give you one fock lick.
—Yeh!!! I want see them old man boxing move.
—Stop talking foolishness and tell me how you sister Kendalee is”.
—She going school and she going dance in the carnaval this year”.
—She come out in all the carnaval them
—well you axe me for tell you what happen in Bluefields, and I telling you just that.
Said Darby as he looked over the Bluefields cyber café cubicle and at Marielos the girl who works there all day with the computers.
Gray winter skies and rain turns off and on, the streets are wet canals for rain water and despite that moment being a break from inconsistent rainfall, an overall roar covered most streets in unison from the flow of the guided rain water with “mustruz” blowfishes. Kids like to shoot mustruces with bows and arrows fashioned from broken umbrellas to watch the fish blow up, duplicating their size.
Across the street from Oasis Casino two Americans have set up recording label with no legal existence in Nicaragua. No reseidence cards, without which a citizen of a foreign country cannot legally conduct business in Nicaragua. This irregular situation also entails a number of tax evasions and a general disrespect for a country that they live-off.
—Dude, where’d you put the weed man. I gotta smoke before Ernie and Vicky come to work.
—I don’t know bro. Check out this bump I have on my head. I think the monster from alien is going to pop out and jump out of my skull. Shit man, my natural remedies don’t work. I’ve been washing with mango-leaf water and everything.
Xander Rothchild is a white Anglo Saxon American with thinning hair and the hair he still has is grown into a few long blonde dreads, terrible body odor and he’s usually never wearing underwear. He has a collection of sneakers and likes to wear spray-painted clothes. His dating scene is almost exclusively with the under $2.00 a day crowd because there is where he finds somebody who plays along with his dim wit and pretends to worship him.
In his native Detroit he was a truck driver and assistant key grip for pre-production in a porn video website. But in Bluefields he was the New York Philanthropist who has a chance of sleeping with a woman who weighs less than 200 pounds. Xander likes to accessorize with little hats that make him look like he’s about to get busted with boxes of child pornography. Loves Bluefields food and depends completely on Irwin Reid-Pérez, a blaxican affirmative action NYU filmmaker with American student loans that he ran away from and has his mom, a Mexican (previously illegal) immigrant and Hotel maid paying for them.
In Bluefields they began a movie that never came out of post-production, and also began to build a music studio for which they need sound engineers. At the beginning they were the typical Americans who came to Nicaragua because of their Che Guevara T-Shirt political consciousness and their love for Marijuana, not to mention the real possibility of a gone way wrong science experiment like Irwin Reid-Pérez having sex was enough for them to drop everything and move.
The US wasn’t their cup of tea either, nobody liked them there, and they were so lame and so similar to so many people. No matter what they found online and decided to wear they were just dime a dozen extras in an immense giant of a society. They both owed so much money and are frankly too inept to do paper work or meet any industry standards.
It’s true that local artists would call Irwin “Garfield” and Xander’s body odor was a source permanent zingers from the people of Bluefields, but they were still able to get their sexual exploitation on. Irwin was freakishly short and stumpy so he had a special fetish for 14 year-old boys and girls. He loves the Sandinista government and hopes that they trash the Nicaraguan economy enough for him to be able to afford some land in Bluefields.
Xander’s Rothchild’s white-trash rasta view of the world made it incredibly easy for him to just follow Irwin as his own personal Barack Obama. Not particularly a reader, Xander’s ideological depth is inexistent. His video graphics are always jumpy and gimmicky. Irwin does hideous color correction and is such a bad speller that his notes look like psyche ward napkin doodles.
His only fictional short is an unimaginative story of two people who fall in love on mushrooms and then sleep around on each other. Before trying to make a Bluefields Buena Vista Social Club complete with servant-wage record contracts for the third world musicians. Irwin lived in Nairobi with prostitutes that he would interview in the day and pay their services in the night, for less than the cost of a Big Mac.
Managua 11/16/05
Iba dibujando el taxi en que salía de la norte y en camino. Aquella lata Daewoo con la tapicería recubierta por un plástico rojo translucido. Un tubo fluorescente de luz azul, una corona hecha en china de plástico con oropel sobre el tablero, en cada giro perdía un poco el balance pero caería en su lugar. Las alfombras eran de hule desordenadas con arena caída de unos albañiles que habían abordado anteriormente.
Wanda había tenido una sexualidad que enrumbó su hiperkinesis hacia la sublimación cuando no estaba extasiada con un amante que pudiera idealizar al punto de mojarse.
—Me dijeron que los hombre no deben llorar
Y que de amor no se mueren
eso no es verdad
Todos caen por amor
caen por una caricia
caerán por la pasión
o caen por la codicia
En “Todos caen por amor” cayó como potente golpe aquel tono bajo de percusión reggaetón… era su compañera de tragos favorita la Ivy Queen para Wanda. Ella y las chicas del periódico perreaban al estilo más épico del Perro Sandunguero, shots de tequila y Gran Reserva, una delagada piel de limón entre los labios con su paradito de campanita para publicitar su sabrosura culito parado. ¿Vos que pensás? Estás buena lucite conseguite algo bueno ya sabés que ya vieja no hacés nada.
Así es la vida
siempre se mama a lo q no se olvida
Se buscan la mujer prohibida
O se buscan una querida
Envidia
Wanda era una chica abierta, creativa. El taxista un hombre contento por cumplir a cabalidad sus expectativas y andar paseando todo el día. Es cierto que maneja como un desquiciado y de vez en cuando se ponía furioso en las horas pico. En su tiempo libre era un picado que le decía a su querida como quería que lo fajeara.
También gustaba de contar sus travesuras con las chambrinitas que supuestamente levantaba, a los pasajeros. En realidad Ursula era la mujer de su primo que vende ácido de batería cerca de La Periodista pero él se la tiraba al escamote. El clavo es que su mujer es una madre gorda que parece vaca y el es flaquito. Pero el primo Miguel es un maje tranquilo.
Wanda encorva los dedos de los pies ensanchando el ángulo de sus sandalias de charol con un lijero tacón. Miraba cómo se acercaba la entrada del Fresh Hill. Divino, la madre televisión con todas las fotos de la gente que llega, las parejas que andan en los chismes, las micheladas (o poor man’s bloody marys), la música y el ambiente.
Enrique Schwartz parloteaba incesantemente, con un par de Rohypnol en el organismo, servía ron extra seco en los vasos de sus amigos Orlando, Bayardo y Roberto. Más luego irían donde la gorda, cerca del fénix a hacer un vuelo de piedra y fumarse unos veinte cigarros de marihuana con ñoñas, bañados, maduros con queso (o cualquier otra invención de la fértil imaginación detrás de la constante eufemización del crack) en un círculo donde sólo se permitía una larga inhalación y después se pasaba el garrote, toqui-rol.
